Worth the Work

Relationships are rarely easy. Friendships, parent-children, sibling, husband-wife, family, employee-employee; from the least to the most complex, they all come with their own challenges and issues. Romantic relationships are no different and they do not come with manuals. Additionally, one strategy does not work for all relationships. They way you deal with issues with your sibling or parents or even your previous partner might not work for your current relationship. They take effort, they take work but if they’re done right, you will find that they are worth the work.

“Relationships last long because two people made a choice. The decision to keep it, to fight for it and to work hard for it.”-Unknown author

Let’s explore two Bible couples and see what lessons we can draw from them.

Jacob and Rachel

Jacob, like his father Isaac and grandfather Abraham before him, lived in the land of Canaan. Abraham had traveled to Canaan, at God’s command and this land was promised to him and his descendants. When it was time for Jacob to seek a wife, his father advised him to go back to their homeland and take a wife from among their own people. If you recall from the last blog, this was also done for Isaac.

When Jacob arrived, he enquired about his uncle Laban, whom he had come to see, hoping to wed one of his daughters. He shortly after met Rachel, one of Laban’s daughters, who brought him to her father. After being with the family for a month Laban asked Jacob what wages he required for the work he was doing for the family. Jacob answered, “I will serve you seven years for Rachel your younger daughter.” (Genesis 29:18). We are told that Rachel was very beautiful and not just in appearance but in form. No wonder she caught Jacob’s eyes. “So Jacob served seven years for Rachel, and they seemed only a few days to him because of the love he had for her.” (vs 20). You didn’t read wrong, he worked seven years to make Rachel his bride. But Laban tricked Jacob and, in the night, brought his older daughter, Leah, to Jacob. At the end of the night Jacob realized what happened and Laban’s excuse was the younger daughter cannot be given before the older one.

I don’t know about you, but I would probably give up on this whole ordeal after being tricked. But Jacob was determined, and he still opted to work to obtain the wife he wanted. He decided he would work another seven years. Fourteen years of labour for love. How much work are you willing to do to obtain or maintain romantic love? It may not require physical labour, as in Jacob’s case, but love requires work. You must be determined to make a relationship successful. There will always be so many reasons to walk away but when there are even more reasons to stay, it will be worth your while. The work to be done may be emotional and personal. There might be some baggage you will have to let go of, some hurt you will have to forgive and move on from or a habit, or two, that you will have to break. There may be traits and skills that you must learn; unconditional love, forgiveness, sharing your personal space, communication, maintaining a home, all of which can be challenging but all necessary.

Hosea and Gomer

The story of Hosea and Gomer is a very interesting one. It proves the level of patience and forgiveness that is required to make a romantic relationship last, especially when one has joined their life with another. The story has a wider meaning as it represents the relation between God and the Israelites and, in extension, Christians today. The people of God seem to always be going after the next best thing, the idols of their day, worldly fame and fortune all while neglecting God. But He faithfully seeks after them each time and reminds them of His love for them. The relationship between God and His people represents the relationship a man and his wife should have, therefore, we can extrapolate principles from this Bible story.

The story is found in the book of Hosea. In verse 2 of chapter 1 God tells Hosea to go marry a harlot. Yikes! Most of us may never marry or even date harlots but we end up in relationships with real people who have real issues; imperfect people, just like ourselves. They may have past trauma, physical or emotional challenges etc. We are to remember though, that in relating to them we are to consider how we would like to be treated. We too may have past trauma and challenges; it just comes with being human in this sin sick world. How we relate to each other though, can make such a difference. You will find that a person’s negative, or not-so-likable attributes, show themselves up the more you spend time with them. Again, it works both ways. We, therefore, ought to be ready to treat our spouses with forgiveness.

Hosea and the harlot, Gomer, are married, and they have children. Gomer was unfaithful but again, the Lord told Hosea to go get His wife. Not only did he have to physically go for her and take her home, but he had to pay for her, as if she wasn’t already his. What does the Bible say about forgiveness? Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven.” (Matthew 18:21). We are to forgive each other as many times as one does something against us. It’s easier said than done but it is doable, you just have to make the effort. And no, I’m not saying you should run off and marry a harlot or someone who is outright bad for you. But when you find someone who you have more good days with than bad, whether in courtship or marriage, treat them with respect, love, forgiveness and be patient with them. Chances are you’ll want the same for yourself.     

“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.”

Ephesians 4:2-3

Thank you for reading, friends.